Selectively Inclusive

This morning I had a disagreement with one of the folks who take care of my children.

"Doug's" a great guy - fun, joyful, compassionate, easy going....exactly the kind of man I want my kids to see as a role model.  I enjoy bantering with him, and we often team up on the NYT crossword puzzle clues that he is stumped on.  It's kind of neat.

However, we differ on some things, which is fine.  I think football promotes violence and degrading behavior towards women.  He thinks I'm overexaggerating.  You know, that kind of stuff.  I get all riled up when we disagree.  Usually this stuff doesn't come up, but when it does, it makes me mad.  Frustrated.  Confused.

I'm a proud liberal, who believes that everyone (including people I disagree with, by the way) should have the right to live as they see fit, as long as there is no harm to others.  So, when the topic came up this morning about Minnesota becoming a "Little Somalia," with that community lobbying to change laws to include their core beliefs, I did what I always do.  I defended the Somali community.  It was a FOX News story, by the way, which I will freely admit taints my view.

Doug wanted to argue, "why should WE change for THEM?"

And here's the thing.  I don't know the whole issue.  So, I didn't have much to say, except to come back to MY core belief:  In this country, it's not we OR them.  It's US.  Why shouldn't a group of people, who have established this as their home, demand to have the same rights as I do when it comes to anything in this state? 

But deeper?  I get frustrated when Doug shows me a side of him that I don't like - a side that is NOT inclusive, NOT compassionate, and NOT welcoming to people, because I want to believe that he is like that with everyone.   He wouldn't see himself as I am describing him now, because in my experience, that is absolutely NOT who he is.

I'm so confused.  Is it possible to be selectively inclusive?  Selectively compassionate?  Am I just being too hard on Doug, who is my friend, and from who I expect more?